LFN: 10 Reasons to Root For Holy Cross

[Lehigh Football Nation]

It's up.

http://lehighfootballnation.blogspot.com

It's going to be awfully quiet around here after the Crusaders pull off the upset. xnodx xlolx

[Marcus Garvey]

I'll be the Devil's Advocate and give you one gigantic reason NOT to root for Holy Cross:

Bill Simmons (Holy Cross '92)

This F'tard spends most of the season ignoring college basketball in favor of the NBA. Then, as March approaches, he'll watch a half-dozen games and suddenly declare himself an expert with statements declaring Santa Clara the best team in the WCC or Chase Buldinger (Arizona) is the greatest player in the Pac-10 (not even close). He's such a condescending ass about college basketball, plus he's a Holy Cross grad, so I can't help but root against the Crusaders, Red Sox, Celts and Patriots (He's from Boston if you've never heard of him).

[dbackjon]

Sorry LFN. Saluki will rightfully destroy Holy Cross ;)

[Peems]

Salukis will go down in round 2 to VA tech!

[Lehigh Football Nation]

There are a lot of sports writers I DON'T like, but Bill Simmons I like. He's more of a national guy than someone who follows all the local teams, and, yes, sometimes he's out of touch (like any national guy - when was the last time Mike Lupica or Mike Francesca made any bold statements?) but he ultimately passes the following litmus test time after time - he's funny.

It sure doesn't hurt that he's a Patriot League grad, nor does it hurt that he graduated my year ('92), and it certainly doesn't hurt he's a Red Sox fan (like me).

[dbackjon]

Salukis will go down in round 2 to VA tech!

Nope - gonna be an All-Illinois battle

[Marcus Garvey]

There are a lot of sports writers I DON'T like, but Bill Simmons I like. He's more of a national guy than someone who follows all the local teams, and, yes, sometimes he's out of touch (like any national guy - when was the last time Mike Lupica or Mike Francesca made any bold statements?) but he ultimately passes the following litmus test time after time - he's funny.

It sure doesn't hurt that he's a Patriot League grad, nor does it hurt that he graduated my year ('92), and it certainly doesn't hurt he's a Red Sox fan (like me).

My problem with Simmons is his typical Boston arrogance. Ever notice how any column involving him and his buddies hanging out (Vegas, Wisconsin, Miami, doesn't matter...) have the same theme: jokes at the expense of random strangers. A-holes like that were all over the bar scene when I went out in Boston.
Also, he's gotten really smug since moving to LA, so he's mangaged to combine the worst qualities of a Bostonian with those of an Angelino. I still read his stuff, and sometimes laugh, but the quality has definitely fallen off.
Anyway, all his columns are pretty similar, in fact, you can write one yourself with this handy-dandy "Sports Guy Column Generator!"
http://www.serioussportsnewsnetwork.com/sportsguy.html

[Peems]

Here's mine:So I'm sitting there the other day watching ESPN2 and I see that Hideki Matsui had a great game. There is nobody, with the possible exception of Terry Francona, that I dislike more than Hideki Matsui. In the pantheon of people that 'Make the Sports Guy Alex Cora,' these two are a 'Alex Cora.

The phone rings. It's my friend Bish. Mad! Bish is always willing to discuss our mutual distaste for Hideki Matsui. Don't get me wrong--we respect his abilities. But he's the Frasier of sports. Totally annoying, yet on TV all the time. Bish mentions that it would be nice if Hideki Matsui caught a case of Lupus at the beginning of September, paving the way for the Red Sox to the playoffs like William Henderson on HGH.

Bish points out that the chances that Hideki Matsui will come down with Lupus in September are minimal, but that if we expanded the possibilities, there would be a greater chance for debilitating success. As usual, Bish is a crazy genius.

Here is what we came up with:

4. Hideki Matsui receives a vicious Piledriver from Coco Crisp in front of 40,000 fans jammed into Boston garden.

(On a side note, has there ever been a greater moment in sports than when Hulkamania sweeping the nation and defeating the ultimate warrior? I don't even care if it was fake, that was Sweet. That rivals when Mighty Ducks flying in the V formation for 'Most Inspiration Non-Real Sports Moment 2006.)

3. Hideki Matsui is informed by his wife that their child was not fathered by him but rather by either Dan Kolb or Larry Beinfest.

2. Hideki Matsui hangs scrapbook-style clippings of Steve Sanders and Mr. Miyagi in his locker and is immediately put on the DL.

1. Hideki Matsui meets Rupert from Survivor, falls in love, and leaves team to begin filming 'My Fair Yankee.'

After we finish with the conversation about Hideki Matsui we turn ourselves to the real topic of conversation, the upcoming draft of the Holly Rowe is Sexy Memorial Baseball Association, a new fantasy league that Bish and I will be joining this year.

Ordinarily, I'm never an advocate of partnering up to own a fantasy baseball team. That's like getting picked up by Posh Spice and going back to her place, only to find out that Sean Kemp is already there. If the best you get is to share, sometimes it's not worth it at all, right?

However, this league only had one slot open, so Bish and I agreed to partner up, in the hope that one of us could switch over and manage the next vacancy. After much debate, and eliminating the excellent possibilities of 'Naked Monopoly with Silk Curtains' and 'Gilbert Brown's Shiny 2 dollar whores as potential team names, we settle on 'I'm Gay.'

The thing that's exciting about this league is that it's an auction format league, which is totally different than a draft league. I mean, it seems as though it would be the same as a draft league, but it's not. It's like the difference between NHL 93 and NHL 94-you take out fighting and add one-timers, you've got a whole different game, even if they are both hockey. Any good sports fan knows that undefined but not everyone knows how to do an auction.

Pre-Auction preparation is important. First, it is important to choose a date when the auction will take place. This is easy. Choose the date when the whipped guy does not have to Where matching clothes, and that's your date. Finding the whipped-guy-can-make-it date is crucial for auction success. (speaking of which, what is with all these girlfriends who think that 'fantasy draft' is code for 'I'm going to have my buddies over to watch Winger perform songs by Daryll "chocolate thunder" Dawkins while I licking lips? Though that would be cool.)

Next, and more difficult, is the auction location selection. Many times people will choose to have their auction in a bar. This is a bad idea. Nothing good can come of this; at the end of the day every person in the room is going to be Yahoo and have an extremely sore undefined after four hours.

No, the auction must be held in someone's house-biggest furnished basement wins. The coolness of the wife/significant other can be a deciding factor if two people have similar options-say, if owner A has a Halo arcade game, but owner B has a case of Keystone. Nothing will kill a fun evening faster than the host's wife emasculating him with a 'You never listen.' We have selected next Tuesday night, at 8 pm, at a guy's house where his wife will be in painting toenails , and therefore unable to disrupt the festivities.

I will not be sharing with you my player ratings for this coming season-after all, Phil Ivey doesn't play poker with the hand face up-but I will give you some insight into my auction strategy. The thing is, an auction has so much more of an influence on your season than a draft does. In an auction, every player in the league is at your disposal. Everyone starts out equal. It's the Liberal of fantasy sports.

It's also like a Iditarod. It requires endurance, it requires stamina, it requires concentration and planning. Without further ado, here is my 'Sports Guy Auction Strategy Guide':

Round One-keep your hands up

Once the auction starts, timing and strategy are much more important than they are in a traditional draft. The first hour or so of the auction has to be spent feeling out your opponents. Are they particularly loyal to the Kansas City Royals? Do they have a tendency toward Cracking Knuckles? You are looking for weaknesses that you can exploit later on. Store these like Virginity(wink)

Here is a good place to test people by chucking out a few names of guys you-d never want on your team-aging, oft-injured players, like Ken Griffey Jr., or over-hyped rookies that will never pan out like Danny Almonte.

Everyone is going to get some good players at this point, so make sure you don-t overpay and find yourself begging for money like Johnny Drama asking for Vinny Chase's AMEX Black.

Round Two-Have a Sense of anthropology

In round two, there will be one moment that defines your draft. Things will be going along smoothly, and all of a sudden you'll get involved in a bidding war on a player. It's not unlike a big pot in a no-limit hold-em tournament-you'll have your Dr. Doom-Reed Richards in Fantastic Four moment, and you need to decide what to do.

Oftentimes, this will come down to a single dollar, here or there-if you bid a lot for Barry Bonds, you know you'll get him, but you're facing a bid with the clock ticking. Are you going to be a hero, carried off the field like Kirk Gibson? Or are you Art Shell, skulking off the field into the jeering history of your team's fans, with only your family still willing to speak with you. Now is your moment. Set the tone.

Round Three-Moving Day

Hour three of the draft is moving day, like the third day of The Masters. You need to shoot a 59. This is where you'll fill out a lot of the players that, while less sexy, make up the core of your team. Do not discount the importance of moving day. If you wait until the next phase to build the core of your team, you'll find yourself as lonely as Tara Reid in a Hinduism service.

Moving day is the time to make things happen for your team. This is where you are going to define the season that you have. If you end up moving day by taking an accurate mix of future stars, injury-risk players, and Alex Cora, you'll be okay.

Round Four-The Game of Trivial Pursuit

By the end of the fantasy auction, the endeavor has become ridiculous . The only thing it can be compared to is a game of Trivial Pursuit, played among friends. Something that, at the beginning of the endeavor, seemed like such fun, but by the end of it, is just a group of people banging their heads against the wall, adamantly trying to finish what they started, the joy of competing against your friends replaced with a desire to prove that you are the Majesty of All Trivia and that is that.

In this phase of the auction, you must be careful. This is the 'As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster' moment of the draft. People will be exploding like firecracker, screaming incomprehensible things like Jimmy Durante and threatening to screams if they do not get their way.

Just bite your lip, set your jaw, and try and endure. It's a long season coming forward.

'It was an honor to have lived by your side'