carney2
October 28th, 2017, 08:48 AM
The ubiquitous Bye No-Shows beat Lafayette 6-0 yesterday by scoring three safeties. Since Lafayette’s Fisher Stadium is booked for a large LGBTQ rally on Saturday that is required attendance for all Lafayette students, faculty, staff and alumni, the game was played on Friday afternoon in an empty field somewhere in South Easton with no spectators. All scores and statistics, like all of Lafayette athletics, are therefore merely rumors.
Lafayette’s incredibly incompetent offense spent most of the afternoon in a determined retrograde movement toward its own goal. Lafayette’s freshman quarterback continued his phenomenal streak by throwing five interceptions. No other quarterbacks were issued uniforms for the game because it was known in advance that they wouldn’t be needed. In his final piece before Brad Wilson of Easton and Bethlehem’s Lehigh Valley Live declared a permanent end to covering Lafayette sports, he questioned whether uniforms even exist for the other seven quarterbacks who showed up for camp back in August. The Lafayette running game netted a minus 23 yards for the afternoon.
Bye’s 5’4”, 145 lb. defensive tackle, Mary Jane Watson, recorded two of the safeties. She had an easy time of it with the Lafayette offensive line. After the game she declared that she was headed directly to the school prom without even taking a shower because she hadn’t broken a sweat.
It is reported that a number of people were lurking in the surrounding woods with bags over their heads. These would undoubtedly be candidates for the soon to be vacated athletic director position.
Lafayette’s incredibly incompetent offense spent most of the afternoon in a determined retrograde movement toward its own goal. Lafayette’s freshman quarterback continued his phenomenal streak by throwing five interceptions. No other quarterbacks were issued uniforms for the game because it was known in advance that they wouldn’t be needed. In his final piece before Brad Wilson of Easton and Bethlehem’s Lehigh Valley Live declared a permanent end to covering Lafayette sports, he questioned whether uniforms even exist for the other seven quarterbacks who showed up for camp back in August. The Lafayette running game netted a minus 23 yards for the afternoon.
Bye’s 5’4”, 145 lb. defensive tackle, Mary Jane Watson, recorded two of the safeties. She had an easy time of it with the Lafayette offensive line. After the game she declared that she was headed directly to the school prom without even taking a shower because she hadn’t broken a sweat.
It is reported that a number of people were lurking in the surrounding woods with bags over their heads. These would undoubtedly be candidates for the soon to be vacated athletic director position.