catamount man
June 9th, 2014, 11:54 AM
Been doing the I-AA gig for a few years now and have met a lot of good people but I am ending all of that. The last few years have seen me battle depression and major impulse control disorders to the point that I have even burned some bridges with people, nobody here, but people you would never think about burning bridges with. Bottom line, I have mental issues. I switch churches, football teams, political persuasions as much as the next person changes underwear. I have suffered from low self esteem my entire life and it has followed me all through adulthood as well.
I hold down a job and am able to pay my debts, but other than, I am lost. I don't live, I merely exist. I have no identity. I have purchased tix and went to games at various SoCon schools over the years and tried to immerse myself with these programs, even though I never attended any SoCon school. A lot of my comments on various message boards and in talking with various peoples of all these schools has even left some of these folks with a negative view of me. I was told by a Charlotte area WCU alum that a few alums were talking about me and my behavior at a WCU function that I was not at. This one alum won't even speak to me anymore nor return any messages I send him.
I am burned out at trying to be something that I am not. Nobody calls me, NOBODY. Even local friends that I ran around with have all moved on. I am TRULY a loner now. I cannot post here or at CS anymore as the level of hatred towards me is just too much. I will take in a SoCon game from time to time, but NEVER again will I emotionally invest and try to make friends with anybody. The damage to my psyche has been too much. I cannot afford help with my current insurance, even religious counseling is expensive.
I will get better somehow, but I post this not to gain sympathy, just to FINALLY unload. You will never see a post from me again, you will never hear from me again. I do want to thank OL FU, black n gold and ASU G8 for all they've done but I am sure even they have to question a lot of my behavior. So, thanks again for 10 years, but I'm done. If I see you out, those I know, I will say hello.
Godspeed everybody. Hopefully I can find out the purpose for my life. Been fun and no I ain't gonna do anything stupid. I love living, no matter how painful it is. Thanks again.
Richard
I hold down a job and am able to pay my debts, but other than, I am lost. I don't live, I merely exist. I have no identity. I have purchased tix and went to games at various SoCon schools over the years and tried to immerse myself with these programs, even though I never attended any SoCon school. A lot of my comments on various message boards and in talking with various peoples of all these schools has even left some of these folks with a negative view of me. I was told by a Charlotte area WCU alum that a few alums were talking about me and my behavior at a WCU function that I was not at. This one alum won't even speak to me anymore nor return any messages I send him.
I am burned out at trying to be something that I am not. Nobody calls me, NOBODY. Even local friends that I ran around with have all moved on. I am TRULY a loner now. I cannot post here or at CS anymore as the level of hatred towards me is just too much. I will take in a SoCon game from time to time, but NEVER again will I emotionally invest and try to make friends with anybody. The damage to my psyche has been too much. I cannot afford help with my current insurance, even religious counseling is expensive.
I will get better somehow, but I post this not to gain sympathy, just to FINALLY unload. You will never see a post from me again, you will never hear from me again. I do want to thank OL FU, black n gold and ASU G8 for all they've done but I am sure even they have to question a lot of my behavior. So, thanks again for 10 years, but I'm done. If I see you out, those I know, I will say hello.
Godspeed everybody. Hopefully I can find out the purpose for my life. Been fun and no I ain't gonna do anything stupid. I love living, no matter how painful it is. Thanks again.
Richard